He was my second. Two since then, but he was special. Lightning flashed with internal thunder the first time he laid eyes on me. That first look wrapped a halter around my soul and dragged my heart along. It didn’t beat fast in that familiar way. It didn’t skip a beat. It sucked in the universe. Then exhaled s fresh universe where I am captivated by this one whom I had already loved with all may heart, anyway.
I’d waited four weeks for him to open those eyes. I’d been waiting, but that was not why my soul was drawn up by him. Like I said, I know, everyone knows what cute little babies look like. I’d loved quite a few little darlings myself, from the day I met them at the hospital or the day they were brought home by their mommies. I’d had a baby before.
Yes, my first-born, she had lifted herself onto her hands all wabbly and turned her head to look across at me from under the jaundice lights where the nurse had insisted on putting her right away. I’d had to command he to, and she relented and had rolled the bright light table with my baby on it,right up next to me. Then left.As I talked and cooed to this strange new creäture, she did a bouncy wabble head turn from side to side, inspected the room, then inspected me. When she had looked at me in that magical post childbirth bonding window moment, I got the message inscribed in the field there for the parents to absorb. I just knew, like I knew she was mine. I hadn’t let her out of my sight since she came out, and her mouth was unmistakable. No babies mouth had ever taken up half it’s face when it cried like hers did. All babies of same basic race basically look the same, but not her. Her mouth when she screamed opened pretty much twice the usual size. And the message had sunk in right there after she had latched, or grabbed on the first time and herself a nibble, then got the usual inspection right there in front of me, and had looked over at me from that table. I just absolutely and suddenly know it. No doubt. I know like I’d always known that she was , the smartest child ever born since the dawn of creation. The dawn of creation thing, because the whole history of creation evolution, more creation, and more evolution and millions of choices, and all that time, so much time and change played like when your life flashes before your eyes. Her historical origin of life flashed right before my eyes like obvious evidence. Like I’d seen all the work put into creating this unique recipe of intelligence, just so, and just right for something and, never before made. Guess I could say custom latest model, but more mysterious, and magnificent and fleeting. Like a sudden flashy thingy. Back then, I didn’t even believe in evolution. I guess I started believing in that moment, but didn’t have words for it.
She read and understood the weather cycles at three. Found ways to skip school in kinder, mad with boredom. Then all teachers at the elementary school she attended in Mexico put together a gifted students program to keep her out the endless mischief she wrought while the rest of the classes where still finishing their work. She gave them no rest, so they got her half way through middle school, and she got tired of five years in a row being the top five in her grade in Monterrey, and having to go on the same school trip to the same theme park. And we didn’t take her to shake the president’s hand. That is all pretty normal stuff.
This was different.
He looked at me. He really looked at me. He opened his preeme eyes for the first time, he looked straight at me and really saw me. If he had winked, I wouldn’t have been more surprised.
I got you mom. Remember?
The bright light was on the inside, and gone leaving me reeling in the rapture of love.
Oh my little baby, my open eyes one. Open Eyes. Open Ojos. Opi Okos!
Afterwords, throat breaking jaw wrenching howls, convulsed my body knocking my breath loose. while my hands ,blind, pressed down to hold the ruptured bits of, the exploding stone that filled up my chest sledgehammered to pieces in one smash. Flying shreds of fragmented rock bursting cutting scratching, the dust choking. I can’t breathe. My arms went limp, and ached for weeks, like a headache in my arms that needed to hold him. Imagining that I held him didn’t take the ache away.
Laying right next to me so innocent, so sweet, were I could rouse myself to feed him every two hours, for fast weight gain, that week, but he had up and died.
As I figure it, he done it on purpose.